Having an unheartlandishly-hued man serving as our president scares the hell out of good, god-fearing, patriotic Americans, even those with big city names. That's why Kirill Bartashevitch recently got off his couch and bought himself an AK-47.
Unfortunately, it was too late. The Obamunists had already gotten to his daughter, distracting her with their fancy notions while she was supposed to be doing homework. Upon seeing two B's rather than all A's one her report card, Brother Bartashevitch did the only thing any father in his position could do. He pointed his AK at her and said he was going to blow her head clean off.