When America's friends gas their own people

Roger Ailes
Fox News Channel

Dear Mr. Ailes,

I hope the OSHA investigation into your gassing of Fox employees with the neurotoxin, diazinon, isn't worrying you. I don't think it'll result in more than a slap on the wrist. You've been unquestioningly loyal to Our Leader, and that's a quality he prizes in his servants more than anything else. One only needs to consider Alberto Gonzales' appointment as Attorney General to see the truth in this. The man went from being consigliere to America's Chekists to becoming the top law enforcement official in the land simply on the basis of loyalty.

That said, all the outrage against Saddam for gassing his own people must certainly cause you some discomfort. You should remember that we didn't care about it until very recently. Heck, shortly after learning about the incident, the Gipper rewarded Saddam with a shipment of TOW missiles and a friendly visit from Donald Rumsfeld. If Saddam can gas thousand of Kurds to death and still get a hug from Sec. Rumsfeld, I'm sure you'll get away with poisoning a few employees.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot