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Saturday, January 20, 2007

D'Souza in the sky with diamonds

Mr. D'Souza replies yet again:

Sent: Friday, January 19, 2007 1:54 PM
Subject: Re: Disappointed fan

But I don't have leopard print carpet in my den. Are you on drugs or something?


My response,

Dear DD,

I hope it's ok to call you DD rather than Mr. D'Souza. I was touched by your concern about my possible drug use and am beginning to view you as a friend.

Your concern is unfounded. I do not use illegal drugs. In fact, the only drug I use regularly is a prescription medication called Oxycontin. I take it to relieve the pain I suffer from a pilonidal cyst (a big boil in the area of the, uh, "tailbone." It's a stress related disorder I acquired when I learned that Congress was considering reinstituting the draft. I understand that Rush Limbaugh suffers from the same affliction for similar reasons.

Other than the 25-30 prescription (well, it's somebody's prescription, anyway) Oxycontin tablets I melt down and shoot every day and the Viagra I use when I vacation alone in places like the Dominican Republic, my life is completely drug free.

Well, enough about me and Mr. Limbaugh. I accept your denial of the allegations that your home office is lined with "wall-to-wall leopard-print carpet." I should have realized that inasmuch as it was printed in the San Diego Reader, a MSM rag, the charge is likely to be just as phony as AP's source in Iraq's Ministry of Interior, Capt. Jamil Hussein. My guess is that the liberal media planted that story in the hope that our Islamunistofascist cultural allies would be fooled into thinking that you're a sexual libertine and, therefore, attack you.

Please accept my apologies for being fooled, myself. I'd like to make it up to you by inviting you over to the compound for a weekend. We'll drink beer, eat Frito pie, and punch each other in the shoulders like men do with their man friends. Then we'll dress up in gladiator outfits and watch Ben Hur and Spartacus, and maybe even Gladiator if I can get that goo off the DVD. After that, if you're up for it, I'd like to honor you in the only way a warrior may truly honor another warrior--that is to wrestle naked in the ancient manner of our Spartan philosophical forefathers until one of us establishes dominance over the other by driving his mighty shaft of supreme manliness into the other's cavern of shame.

Or we could just have pizza down at the mall.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Previous exchanges with Mr. D'Souza

My original email to him.

His reply and my response.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.