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Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Is Sarah Palin the Devil? Glenn Beck Gives Her The Test

Sarah Palin is a messenger, and as Mormons like Glenn Beck and Mitt Romney know, some messengers are good and some are Satan in a mama grizzly disguise. The Doctrine and Covenants (one of the four standard scriptural works of Mormonism--the others being the Bible, The Book of Mormon, and The Pearl of Great Price) tells us how to discern the difference:
D&C 129:

1 THERE are two kinds of beings in heaven, namely: Angels, who are resurrected personages, having bodies of flesh and bones—

2 For instance, Jesus said: Handle me and see, for a spirit hath not flesh and bones, as ye see me have.

3 Secondly: the spirits of just men made perfect, they who are not resurrected, but inherit the same glory.

4 When a messenger comes saying he has a message from God, offer him your hand and request him to shake hands with you.

5 If he be an angel he will do so, and you will feel his hand.

6 If he be the spirit of a just man made perfect he will come in his glory; for that is the only way he can appear—

7 Ask him to shake hands with you, but he will not move, because it is contrary to the order of heaven for a just man to deceive; but he will still deliver his message.

8 If it be the devil as an angel of light, when you ask him to shake hands he will offer you his hand, and you will not feel anything; you may therefore detect him.

9 These are three grand keys whereby you may know whether any administration is from God.
There are a lot of words in those versus--perhaps too many words for those of us who watch Mr. Beck and believe Mrs Palin has what it takes to be president. So let's make it simple:

So is Sarah Palin actually the Devil, cross-dressing as a pitbull in lipstick? Well, we have photos of Glenn Beck testing her, and he'd tell us if she's the Prince of Darkness. He's been silent about the results. That can only mean she's a real person or an angel.

A helmet tip to Main Street Plaza.

Now for something a little different:

There's a Christian flag in the background of the handshake photo. I hope Mr Beck and Mrs Palin recited the Pledge of Allegiance written for that flag:
I pledge allegiance to the Christian Flag and to the Savior for whose kingdom it stands; One Savior, crucified, risen, and coming again with life and Liberty to all who repent and believe The Gospel. (Amen)
Now for something completely different:

Pamela Geller is warning us that we should be very afraid of something (not sure what it is, but it sounds scary enough to make me soil my Patriot Pampies (TM):


  1. Damn. Theology is hard!

  2. First they impose Sharinga Law. The teh gheys will impose Ghey Law, which probably means the judge will have to wear a dress in court or something. After that the Meskins will impose Spanic Law, where a person who speaks their jibber-jabber will have twice the value as a witness as does someone who speaks the national langwage of the USA! USA! USA! and you get tortured with chile peppers if you're found guilty. And don't even think about Kenyanticolonialist Law, where you have to swear on a witch doctor before you take the stand.

    Let's stick with good old-fashioned Amerikkkan Law, as written by Founding Father Cheeeeeeeney in 2001, which says all men accused in secret by the President or one of his loyal minions are found guilty as charged, until their guilt is certified by a military tribunal, and they are locked in a secret prison until we damn well feel like letting them out. Now THAT'S justice!

  3. When I was a young lad my school associates and I would find merriment by twirling our bodies, spinning like dervishes, until we made ourselves dizzy, the world careening madly about us, even as we collapsed on the playground. I think that makes me an honorary Mormon.

  4. mjs, that doesn't make you a Mormon. It makes you an honorary Sufi. Now if you collapsed into a puddle of Jello...

  5. Now, I freely confess I didn't really know much about Shania Twain and her laws. After reading all of the internets, I realise just how much of a threat she is.

    Shania law is not anything like American law. It is incompatible. I mean, she is a not-man and from Canadastan as well. How is that right? Jeebus,. next thing these liberals will want to introduce is Celine law. Not only is she from Canadastan, but teh surrendering part that speaks french!.
    It has to stop. Shania law is the thin edge of the wedge!

  6. Bukko: the whirling dervish aspect was not what I thought made me a Mormon, it was the addled dizziness and general discombobulation that I was referencing. The path to mindlessness is open to all.


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.