Proudly wearing the Dark Stain of Valor

Our Lady of the Concentration Camps, Michelle Malkin
Hugh Hewitt, Townhall
Bob Owens, Confederate Yankee
Pamela, Atlas Shrugs
Biggus Dickus, Blue Crab Boulevard
Ace, Ace of Spades HQ
Allahpundit, Hot Air

Dear fellow Fighting Keyboarders,

After seeing our reactions to the capture of various vaseline-wielding senior citizens and brown people in ninja costumes, my wife, Ofjoshua, suggested that we might consider creating a product that would prevent us from soiling our pants. She even came up with a name for it, "Patriot Pampies."

Although I promised I'd run it by all of you, I don't think much of the idea, myself. I'm not ashamed of the sudden incontinence I experience when I see a swarthy person. The dark stain that radiates from my crotch isn't an external display of fear. It's a warning symbol to all around me that I've spotted a potential terrorist and will report him or her to the State Security Apparatus the moment I stop shaking enough to dial my cellphone.

I like to think of it as a kind of self-awarded medal, a "Dark Stain of Valor" or "DSV" if you will. It's a commendation that almost anyone, no matter their class, can obtain. Just as Sen. Specter wore it deservedly and proudly when he attempted to pass his warrantless wiretap legislation, so did Allahpundit when he risked a coronary reporting on the "Ahmadinejad virus" and the dangers of petroleum jelly. Their respective stations in life made no difference. Each earned the DSV solely on his own merit.

I guess, I'm not really giving Ofjoshua's idea a fair hearing. I suppose there are advantages to wearing Patriot Pampies. They'd save us a little in laundering costs and the French would stop laughing while pointing to our crotches (although I still get a lot of that even when I haven't soiled myself).

So what do you think? Would you buy Patriot Pampies if they were available? Or would you rather wear your Dark Stain of Valor, proudly, like me?

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot