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Tuesday, April 05, 2011

Gov. Walker's Free Market Approach to Governing

Brian Deschane
Division Administrator
Wisconsin Division of Environmental and Regulatory Services

cc: Gov. Scott Walker
Governor, State of Wisconsin

Dear Mr. Deschane,

Congratulations for receiving a 26% pay raise just two months into your job. Gov. Walker must really appreciate the effort you're making to give you such a bump when he's working so hard to cut teacher and public employee salaries.

Unfortunately, many working people (or, as we like to call them, "limited cost resources") are jealous of your $81.5K salary. They're complaining that you're not up to the job. Citing your youth, your lack of a college education and any real-world work experience, as well as your aptitude for drunk driving, they're suggesting that you don't have the needed experience to serve as one of the state's chief regulators.

Of course, they ignore your most important qualification: your father's ability to donate to Gov. Walker's campaigns. Given your other qualifications, that's the best $121.7K your dad ever spent. But more important than that, its an example of how free market principles can be applied to government to make your life better--you're living the new American dream, my friend.

That's not to say that your other major qualification won't serve you well. The ability to pass out, face down, on various lawns and bushes should give you an edge as an environmental regulator.

I doubt EPA Administrator Lisa P. Jackson has ever regained consciousness with a hunk of grass stuck to her eye, a centipede crawling up her nose, and the words "pig fucker" emblazoned across her forehead in indelible ink, nor has she exterminated an invasive beetle species using a 60% alcohol solution suspended in vomit. You certainly have the edge there.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot


  1. Hi General,
    Can I call you that ?
    Sorry to be so informal, but you see I am a
    combat veteran and just sorta goes with
    the territory.Also, I hail from a yankee state and we are just more casual about rank out west.
    I just wanted to take the time to thank you for your insightful comments and the letters you write to our public servants and post on your blog.
    Thanks for sharing your thoughts and the fun filled facts !
    Oh yeah..I am a retired teacher too so being known as a (previous)limited cost resource helps me make it through the rough times we face.

  2. Welcome. My wife, OfJoshua, is a filthy educator of limited-cost resources.

  3. I'm upset.
    General, Sir, this article just smacks of bigotry towards drunkard-Americans.
    Women, Blacks and Gays have all had to fight discrimination and bigotry against them. Its time that drunkard-Americans were also given equal treatment.
    I can't help waking in my own vomit, not knowing why I'm naked in a park. I can't help discussing world politics with a streetlight.

    We don't *choose* to be drunkards. It isn't a *lifestyle* choice. We're born this way. It isn't wrong, it is just different. Why can't you accept that?

    We have just as much right to be corrupt officials as you do.

  4. If we don't destroy the economic viability and self-respect of 98% of the country, who will?

  5. It never ceases to amaze me the tiny amount of money it takes to buy these guys off.

  6. I didn't realize that they had environmental regulations in Wisconsin.

    Have you ever smelled Lake Michigan?

  7. Bei mir mist Deschane how can I explain?
    Bei mir mist Deschane means I love you.
    He says Bella Bella
    Drinking Stella Stella
    Then he expella fella on the lawn
    Bei Mir Mist Deschane
    How can I explain
    That barfly Deschane
    Is the gummit?

  8. Sir General Sir:

    Obviously, Gov. Walker was appealing to a higher power when appointed Mr. Deschane to the position. I am of course talking about our beloved Prezzy Bush, when he appointed a horse judge Mr. Brown to the role of saving lives, being in charge of FEMA.

    Gov. Walker has President written all over him!

    Sammy-samm-samm-Samwise Galenorn


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.