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Friday, April 13, 2012

Proudly White Euro-American Goes On Angry Tirade Against You--I Write Him Again

Proudly white Trayvon Martin protest protester, Marion Levinson "John" King, III is still angry with you. On Wednesday's edition of The White Voice (at about 17:15), the self-described "individual of European descent" lashed out at Jesus' General's commenters, saying:
They come back with...'Oh look at his loafers, look at those gray [they were actually lilac] socks...he looks like a child a microwaved Ned Flanders.'
The "definitely not racist" King's co-host goes on to point out that MLK surely doesn't look like a child molester, because "It's nothing but Hispanics that molest 6-year-old girls."

I felt very bad about how mean you were to Mr. King. Indeed, I felt so bad, I wrote him a letter of apology and invited him to the compound to watch gladiator movies and make casts of our little soldiers. The "certainly not racist" MLK responded by threatening to shoot me with his "9mm bitch ass Nigger eater."

I didn't want to leave it at that, so I wrote him two more times. The emails appear below. He hasn't responded.
From: Gen. JC Christian, patriot
Sent: Saturday, April 07, 2012 9:30 PM
Subject: Re: What apology?

I guess this means you won't be coming out to the compound. I still respect you as a patriotic individual of European descent and want to feature you in my Grand Display Case of Patriot Units. Could you send me a plaster cast of your little soldier?

Here are instructions:
  1. Put 1/4 cup of water in a large mixing bowl. Add 2 cups of the plaster of Paris powder, 1/4 cup at a time, to the water. Only stir the mixture AFTER both cups have been added. Stir until it is the consistency of oatmeal.
  2. Smear the inside of a prescription bottle with Vaseline
  3. Fill the prescription bottle with your plaster of paris mixture.
  4. Coat your little soldier with a generous layer of Vaseline.
  5. Make your private johnson stand at attention. I find gladiator photos work best, but if you're an individual of Northern European descent, you might prefer Viking pics.
  6. Cover your little soldier with the plaster of paris left over after you filled the prescription bottle.
  7. Allow the it to dry for several minutes while the remaining plaster in the prescription bottle thickens. Make sure your little soldier continues to stand at attention. Look at more Viking pics if needed.
  8. Push your little soldier into the prescription bottle filled with plaster of paris. Ensure that your private johnson remains at attention. More Viking pictures may be required.
  9. Once the plaster of paris has hardened, look at a photo of Ernest Borgnine. That should put your little soldier at rest. Pull him out of the cast.
  10. Remove the cast from the prescription bottle, wrap it in bubble wrap and send it to me.
I'll use the cast to make a plaster model of your little soldier for the Grand Display Case of Patriot Units. I may also make a few silicone models for our militia's monthly Gladiator Night. Would you like one?

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

p.s. please, please, please reconsider your decision to write my advertisers.
From: Gen. JC Christian, patriot
Sent: Monday, April 09, 2012 8:06 AM
Subject: Re: What apology?

I have not heard back from you. I really want to display your little soldier next to mine in the Grand Display Case of Patriot Units. If making a plaster cast of your private johnson is too much work, you could just take a photo of it next to a ruler, and I could try to sculpt it out of clay. I'd use white clay.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot
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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.