The Radical Love Desegregation Movement Destroys Another Marriage

John Paulk was a homosexualist's homosexualist until the night he inhaled a tank-load of amyl nitrate and met the hottest bearded, robed and besandled man imaginable on the dance floor of a local sodomy joint:

Then for some reason I glanced upward, and my eyes were suddenly transfixed by a mirror ball that was rotating slowly near the ceiling,” Paulk wrote in his book, Not Afraid to Change. “I smiled as I watched the intricate patters of light swirling across the ceilings and walls. Suddenly, all at once, I seemed to enter another place and time. “Come back to me,” the voice said, “and I will change your life.” I immediate recognized it as the voice of God. “Come back to me,” he repeated.

Jesus recruited him into the heterosexual lifestyle on the spot, and, before long, John married a nice ex-lesbianesian woman named Ann. Together they became the American Family Association's poster couple for ex-homosexualists. They brought their message of change to churches, conventions, on television, and even made the cover of Newsweek.

But Satan wouldn't leave John alone. One crisp autumn night in Washington, DC, Beelzebub grabbed hold of John's very heterosexual bladder, forcing him to enter a homosexualist den of iniquity in order to relieve himself. His urinary tract twisted and kinked in Satan's clutches, the act took him nearly an hour to complete. That was plenty of time for a radical homosexualist to snap a photo.

John immediately resigned from his job at the American Family Association and moved to Portland, Oregon. There, he and Ann opened up the only heterosexually-owned catering business in the Pacific Northwest.

Life was good for the next 12 years as John and Ann became the queen and king of shaved asparagus and camembert tartlets. But Satan had not forgotten them. This time, he came in the form of a stunning young man who could roll his gluteal muscles like a massage chair cranked to 11.

John apparently succumbed:

“Ex-gay” poster couple John and Anne Paulk may be Splitsville.

Sources tell Truth Wins Out today that John has moved out of the couple’s Portland, Oregon home. Other sources in Portland have informed Truth Wins Out that Paulk was dating a man, although the current status of that relationship remains murky, and that Paulk has frequented homosexual establishments in the city.

It looks like the love desegregation movement has destroyed another traditional marriage.