Jesus' General

Are they making fun of us when they call themselves 'ballplayers'

Pastor Donald Wildmon's American Family Association is asking people to email the FCC to complain about naked ladies on TV. While female breasts are a horrible thing to see, I think there is a greater threat to our country's moral health: homosexual baseball players. According to recurring stories in the New York Post, homosexuals have taken control of our national pastime. I find that especially disturbing in this time of war.

I used the American Family Associations email form to send my complaint. You just need to remove their pre-written message from the text box.

Dear FCC Commissioner,

Baseball season is about to begin again. You need to talk to the commissioner before the first game airs. Every time I tune in, I see men touching themselves in a very very private spot. They try to disguise it as scratching, but it's really nothing more than a blatant attempt to get us to look at their bulges.

You see, as the New York Post keeps telling us, ballplayers are all a bunch of homosexuals. You have to wonder if that's why they call themselves "ballplayers" in the first place. It's probably their way of playing a joke on all us "dumb heterosexual hicks."

Anyway, It's a recruitment tool. They try to draw attention to their bulges knowing that there is no way for us to stop looking once we start. Soon, we get to thinking about what's causing the bulge and then it's a short trip to Judy Garland, Patti LaBelle and Broadway shows after that.