Dear Secretary Ridge,
A few years back, my wife started serving that hoity toity French bottled water. She thinks drinking the stuff with a slice lemon in it makes us classy. I resisted at first, but finally gave in when she replaced the dainty little lemon with a manly hunk of beef jerky. It just seemed less sissified and more American that way.
I'm starting to wonder if the Frenchies put something in that water which has polluted my precious bodily fluids. You see, my "little soldier" has not been able to stand at attention for years now. I've always attributed it to damage I received when Klinton's agents repeatedly tried to place a transmitter in my rectum while I was held illegally on a tax resistance charge. I'm starting to question that assumption now that I've come to the realization that France is the source of all that is evil.
Do you think it's possible that France has tampered with the water in an effort to make our great nation less manly? Please look into it. You might also ask Sec. Rumsfeld if he's been drinking French water. He always seems so angry. There must be a reason for it.
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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.