Jesus' General

Killin' folks for Jesus

I don't think there is any doubt that we're going to war. Heck, there was never any doubt about it. All of that there UN stuff was just window dressing. We are going to war no matter what--not because President Bush, Leader of the Part of Free World that isn't made up of Foreigners or the 52.13% of Americans who Voted Against Him, wants it as dearly as he want's a case of NyQuil, but because Jesus wants it. It's the fulfilment of prophecy.

Every day, we see the signs: a fish shouts in Hebrew just as it undergoes a New York fishmonger's knife; a Star Trek nerd prophesies of French nuclear attack; and then along comes Mary. Since the first of the year, she's cried in an Australian church, appeared on a Sydney fencepost, and toured Northern Canada. The end times are at hand.

Now there are those who say this is a self-fulfilling prophecy. They charge that many of us Christians are using our political influence to bring about Armageddon. They point to the Christian farmer who is working with ultra-orthodox Jews to raise Old Testament style red heifers for slaughter at a temple to be built at the current location of the Dome of the Rock, Islam's second most important shrine. They point to the many Evangelical Christians, like myself, who press our government to support the most hard line views in Israel so as to hasten the final battle in Meggidio.

To these people, I say, "so what?" Of course we are working for the return of our Lord. Why wouldn't we want to see him rule the Earth. You should be with us on this. It will mean the end of all this evil partisan fighting. With Jesus in charge, we won't have trial lawyers bleeding our corporation's dry. We won't have do-gooders forcing us to treat atheists, Mormons, and homosexuals like regular folk. We won't have the ACLU trying to stop us from executing people. We'll finally be rid of the EPA, the FTC, and the SEC, along with their onerous rules that hurt our ability to garner profits.

Sure, there will be tribulations before that day, but the righteous won't be harmed. We'll be taken up in the rapture by then. You'll know when that happens, because I'll just stop posting.