Jesus' General

God, America, and Multi-Level Marketing

Recently, a friend of mine took me to an Amway rally. It was absolutely beautiful--a true celebration of God and the GOP. There were flags everywhere. Jesus' words and Rush's wisdom flowed freely from the podium. We sang, yelled, and chanted until we became too horse to speak. We stood, we jumped, we swayed until we lost all the feeling in our bodies, losing our self identity to became one with capitalism, God, and Republican America. They truly are one in the same. Praise Jesus, the dollar, W and that laundry soap you can use to brush your teeth.

As I came back down to Earth from those spiritual heights, I began to realize that Amway very well may be the key to world peace. We need to take it to Iraq. We need to take it to Iran. We need to take it to North Korea and France. Once we introduce these foreigners to Jesus's very own home-based business, we'll see peace.

Saddam wouldn't be making weapons of Mass destruction if he was working to become a Diamond. Once he saw the glorious promise of capitalism, he'd drop his worship of Allah and bow down before Jesus and the God of Abraham. We cannot deny our Arab brothers the opportunity to join our uplines. They need to to hear the message of multi-level marketing.

Of course if they reject it, we could still nuke the unbelieving bastards.