Jesus' General

Governor appoints Jesus to take over murder investigation

In a bold attempt to jumpstart a stalled serial killer investigation, Louisiana governor Mike "the Lord's banjo" Foster asked Jesus to take over the investigation. "It was just a coming together of the state and the community to ask for divine guidance to find this monster, who's murdering these women," noted the Governor's Press Secretary, Marsanne Golsby.

"It's a gutsy move," says Jesus' former partner, Baton Rouge detective Gabe Rial, "the Savior's a tough cop who plays by his own rules." "He caught a lot of crap for smiting the shit out of the Canaanites a few years back," Cipher continued, "but those perps needed to be showed who's in charge."

John LeBeau, a New Orleans barfly and talk radio enthusiast who is very ashamed of his French heritage, has complete faith in Jesus' ability to bring the killer to justice. "Jesus, he's one bad mother immaculator," he proclaims, "he'll find the killer and smite the holy hell out of him."