Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

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Tuesday, May 06, 2003

It's time to introduce Ziggy the Zygote to the NRA's Eddie the Eagle

Dear Mr. Eagle,

I am a big fan of the gun training program you run for the National Rifle Association. It fills a very important need in our society.

For the last ten years, I too have been working hard on a project that will change our society for the better--the arming of Fetus-Americans. You see, an armed Fetus-American is a safe Fetus-American. He's going to make it full term.

It's been an extremely difficult project. It's very hard to design a firearm small enough to fit the hands of a Fetus-American, yet powerful enough to take out a medical professional. After many years of trial and error, I've finally done it.

The next step is proving to be even more difficult. Fetus-Americans have lousy eyesight, hand-eye coordination, and judgment. I'm having a heck of a time teaching them how to use their weapon safely and responsibly. They shoot at everything.

I'm hoping you can help. You already have the Eddy the Eagle Program for children. I don't think it would take much more to create a Ziggy the Zygote course for Fetus-Americans. What do you think? Are you with us?

Heterosexually Yours,

Gen. JC Christian, Patriot

At Ease

The General will be on manuevers (I use the syllable "man" in manuevers in a heterosexual kind of way) until Thursday. Read some of the stuff by the damned Frenchies listed on the right until I get back.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.