Dear Messrs. Shapiro and Sorenson,
I must say that I was shocked to see MSNBC's latest ratings. I had high hopes that your rebranding as a hard news network would be more successful -- especially considering your hiring of such fine journalists as Joe Scarborough and Michael Savage. How could you miss with a pair of future Peabody Award winners like those two. They're the next Bob Grant.
I'm particularly worried about Mr. Savage's ratings. Nobody I know has seen a single show. I suspect that Bob Ross' "The Joy of Painting" may be watched by more people and he's been dead for eight years. I imagine he's also taken quite a hit from those mom and pop websites he's trying to squash like a bug because they're criticizing him. Otherwise, he wouldn't be so angry.
I'd like to help improve his ratings. I don't think it'll take much to do it. We just have to do what you did when you originally hired Savage -- you saw what worked for Fox and tried to copy it. We can do the same for Savage's show. We can make it look like "The Joy of Painting."
Think about it. We give Mr. Savage an afro and have him paint great Americans like Nathan Bedford Forrest and Eric Rudolph while he shares his thoughts on just how filthy The Eternal Mexican is. I can almost here him say, "let's put some happy little jackboots right...here."
Heterosexually Yours,
Gen. JC Christian, Patriot
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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.