Jesus' General

Preemption House

Dear Mr. Ailes,

With the American body count in Iraq passing the 500 mark and more soldiers dying on an almost daily basis, it's only a matter of time until the liberal press moves from covering important issues like Dean's barbaric yawp to focusing on the problems we're having with the occupation. It's vital that we do more to tell people the other side of the story.

Anyone who watches Fox News regularly knows that the average Iraqi citizen loves the US and is grateful for the opportunity to be occupied by the greatest nation on Earth. The problem is that most Americans don't watch Fox, so they don't hear that message.

I have an idea about how to change that. Americans love reality TV shows. Let's do one on Fox News about a bunch of Americans living in Iraq. Such a show would increase your ratings while spreading the word about how much the average Iraqi loves the occupation. Furthermore, if it's a hit, it will probably draw viewers to your other programing where they'll hear the same message again.

I'm thinking that we put some of the conservative movement's best communicators in a house in Falluja for a month, people like Ann Coulter, Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly and Peggy Noonan. I'm picturing the house as being painted to look like a big American flag with a nice green lawn and a lawn jockey out front. No fences, no guards--just you're average suburban home, but with cameras everywhere.

We could call it something like "Occupied Territory" or "Preemption House." Viewers could watch the housemates as they interact with the people in their neighborhood. They could see Ahmad and Maha joke with Bill and Peggy over a nice breakfast of ham and eggs. They could go door to door with Coulter and Hannity and listen to them explain how the Koran is for girly-men. They could follow Rush as he looks for an English speaking pharmacist.

I think it would be a huge hit. More importantly, it would show Americans just how supportive the Iraqis are of the occupation. It'd be a win for both Fox News and America. I hope you'll consider it.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, Patriot