Jesus' General

On to more family oriented TV fare

It's good to see that HBO's Sex in the City is finally gone. That show has done more damage to the American family than Janet Jackson, The Simpsons, and Tinky Winky combined. It wasn't just the nudity and the graphic language that made it so dangerous, it was the message it sent to our nation's women, "sex is enjoyable."

I'm a very experienced guy. I've been married for many years, and I exercised my marital rights on a regular basis until my little soldier transferred to a base in a psychological Alabama. Although I'm not proud of it, I also engaged in pre-marital relations with a couple of young ladies during the wild days of my youth. None of these women enjoyed sex. In fact, they all hated it. Sometimes just the thought of having sex with me would cause them to vomit. That's the way God created them. That's why He had to command them to go forth and multiply. Otherwise, they wouldn't do it.

The feminists know this. They created Sex in the City to exploit it in their ongoing war against masculinity. Their aim was to undermine our authority as husbands by telling our wives that it was our fault they didn't enjoy sex.

According to the men in my militia unit, these feminists were very successful. Nearly everyone of them told me stories about how their wives derisively called them "quick draw" or "hair trigger" or told them they were worth less than a couple of batteries. Even Mrs. Christian told me to enlist my tongue as a replacement for my little soldier--it's like she's turned Democrat on me.

All that is over now. Sex in the City is done. I'm hoping that the success of Mel Gibson's Christian gorefest, The Passion of the Christ, will convince HBO to run more violent, family oriented shows--perhaps a series where Jesus goes up to the temple every week to kick money changer butt. Well, maybe not money changers because they create jobs. How about beggars? God hates the poor. That's why they can't take advantage of tax credits.

It almost writes itself:

A street in Jerusalem

(Jesus walks up to a beggar and pokes him with a shepherd's crook)

beggar: "Alms, alms for the poor"

Jesus: "Get thee off thine butt and get a job"

beggar: "but I am blind, Lord, and also a leper."

Jesus: "Thou donst need eyes or more than two fingers to perform a burger assembling function in the manufacturing sector. Get thee to that new Burger Caesar on the corner of Augustus and Haliburtonus."

beggar: "Lord, my foot is gone, wouldst thou provide alms for donkey fare..."

Jesus: "Be gone thou lazy Samaritan

(Jesus kicks the beggar in the solar plexus)

(Beggar doubles over)

(Jesus kicks the beggar in the face; blood flies everywhere)

(freezeframe of Jesus' foot connecting to the beggar's face, droplets of blood suspended in air)

(fade to black)

(music: "Put Your Shoulder to the Wheel")

(roll credits)