Jesus' General

Please tell CBS to stop mocking my little soldier

Let me say out front that I usually don't watch the Super Bowl halftime show. It's far too "foo foo" for me. I should also add that I seldom use the term, "foo foo." It's a very tinny, unmanly word.

I watched it this year for the first time in at least a decade, because my remote was broken. I had hurled it a couple of days before at the TV when it showed WsMD hunter David Kay testifying in front of the Senate. He broke my heart when he said we wouldn't find any weapons of mass destruction. Seeing someone lose their faith in Our Leader's infallible word is something this soldier just can't watch without reacting.

Anyway, I don't think any American should be forced to actually touch his television. Remote controls are one of the things that make us the greatest nation on earth--that and frito pie. That's why I watched the halftime show

I was horrified by what I saw. Here's how Donald Wildmon of the American Family Association described it:

During the halftime program for the Super Bowl, CBS showed singer
Justin Timberlake tearing off singer Janet Jackson’s top, exposing her
breast...

In addition, the halftime show included:

Janet Jackson grabbing her breasts

Sean P. Diddy repeatedly fondling his crotch

Striptease cheerleaders

Gyrating transvestites

Simulated lesbian sex

Jackson and Timberlake groping each other

...In addition, an ad for Bud Lite showed a talking chimp, blatantly
asking his owner "babe" if she would like to go upstairs to have sex
with him.

Pastor Wildmon goes on to urge everyone to complain to the FCC. I couldn't agree more. We need to pressure them into taking action.

Here's my letter.

Dear FCC Commissioners:

I know you're getting a lot of letters about Janet Jackson's breasts. I'm very angry about them as well, but my main halftime show complaint is about the Budweiser monkey.

Watch the ad. The monkey is hung like a clydesdale. Tell me, do you think there is any man in America who's that big? He was huge. How do you think the average American male feels after seeing that? Obviously, he was using some kind of artificial means of enhancement, but I still can't get the image of it out of my mind. It's haunting me.

The feminists want women to believe men are bigger that we are so that they'll mock us when we get naked, and it's working. It happens to me all the time. They say things like, "I see what you mean when you call it your little soldier," and "Is it even old enough to enlist?"

It's all about the feminization of the American male. The Klintons and their ilk want to kill our spirit so that we're easier to control. They know that the best way to do that is by hitting us where it hurts, our little soldiers. Sooner or later, the humiliation will destroy our patriarchal will. Our wives will no longer submit to our authority. We'll have to watch ice skating and go to Sandra Bullock movies. It'll be chaos.

Please fine the bastards out of business.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, Patriot