Jesus' General

The virtues of discipline

By now, you've all heard these stories* about Brother Bill Bennett paying a lady to spank and humiliate him. Your first reaction was probably one of horrified surprise. You probably wondered how a God-fearing man like Brother Bill, our nation's stern but loving father, could participate in such acts of depravity. Thoughts like these are only natural. They are also wrong.

There is absolutely nothing sinful about paying someone to discipline you for being naughty. Regular readers of Jesus' General know that I do it on an almost weekly basis. Discipline is good. It's a virtue. It cleanses the soul.

We all now know that Brother Bill was tormented by the gambling demon. He couldn't resist the siren call on the machines. Their long hard levers cried out to be pulled. Their slots pleaded to be filled. Brother Bill obliged and lost millions.

He could not tell anyone. There was no one worthy enough to hear the confession of the man who wrote "The Book of Virtues. " He was alone in a hell that must have seemed infinite in its depth.

He knew that he needed to be punished for his sins. It is the only path to redemption. But if no one was worthy to hear his confession, who could possibly discipline him? I'm sure he prayed long and hard about it. He probably fasted as well. That's what I did. Eventually he would have received the same answer the Lord gave me, "hire a professional."

Sure, it's easy to be disgusted when picturing him down on all fours, naked, hot honey dripping from his fat pinkened flesh, collared and leashed with a riding crop stuck in his ass, yelling, "thank you mistress, may I have another" as a leather clad Amazon pummels his ample backside with her spatula of passion. Some may even laugh at such an image. To do so would be blasphemous, because Brother Bill's punishment was a sacred act of purification. The more humiliating and debasing it was, the greater the cleansing of his soul.

We should be thanking rather than ridiculing him. Brother Bill endured the punishment so that he could return to us as a better man. A man who exemplifies the virtues found in his book. A man worthy of taking on the mantle of Morality Czar.

*via the damned Frenchman