Jesus' General

Bongs for Democracy

TalkFrench recently reported that Pastor General Ashcroft spent $12 million to prosecute Tommy Chong for selling bongs. I'm glad that they're putting these dangerous bong merchants behind bars. Next to nipples on TV, bongs are probably the greatest threat we face as a nation.

People start questioning things after they take a bong hit. That puts tremendous pressures on an orderly society like ours. Once the public starts to question their leaders, it won't be long before they're demanding the freedom to make their own choices. That's when order begins to crumble.

That said, we need to remember that bongs don't destroy order; people do. They are only a tool. We can harness their power for the betterment of our fellow man.

Instead of spending $12 million dollars to prosecute Chong, we should have given it to him to produce bongs exclusively for the North Korean market. Twelve million dollars will buy a lot of bongs, more than enough to bring down Kim Jong Il. And a twelve million dollar bong contract would keep Chong off of the street for a very long time, as long as 117 years at his pre-arrest rate of production.

Think about it. For only twelve million dollars, we could have neutralized a nuclear threat, crippled the international trade in missile technology, brought democracy to the people of North Korea, and tied up a dangerous criminal for 117 years. It sounds like a hell of a deal to me.