Jesus' General

Second Lady assaulted with policy questions

When Second Lady Lynne Cheney arrived at the University of Maryland for a "policy forum," she didn't know that a vicious
(not viscous, you bastards) gang of liberal students were planning to savagely ambush her with actual questions about policy. Her initial clue came when she first perused the written questions submitted by the students and saw that there were a number of queries about her views on slavery and homosexual rights.

She deftly avoided the Frenchmen's traps for most of the forum, choosing to answer questions about her books for children instead. The treacherous students waited patiently, like a White House Press Office copy boy on a Friday afternoon, cruelly biding their time, allowing the Second Lady to stew in anxious dread until the last few minutes of the discussion. Then they sprung their trap.

A francophile yelled out a question about her stand on slavery reparations. Stunned and fearful that the forum may devolve into substantive discussion, Mrs. Cheney reached deep inside herself and found enough courage to say that she opposed them.

A second traitor then quickly went to work. Here's his confession in his own words:

As the show ended, it became clear Lynne Cheney would not be asked any of the questions we had written down relating to gay marriage. Cheney, a former gay-rights activist, who is the mother of a lesbian daughter, has not taken a public position on Bush's proposed amendment. As the applause died down I asked her, "Dr. Cheney, would you attend your daughter Mary's wedding if she married a person of the same gender?" The audience, deadly silent as she stared back at me, blinking softly, waited for her response. It wouldn't come. She turned to her right and ended the program, apparently the signal for the police to descend.

And thank God the police were there to round up these academic terrorists. Unfortunately, they did not beat the students or whisk them off to be held in comunicado until the end of hostilities. Instead, the officers merely cited them for violating the University's policy against asking unauthorized questions. I guess that's better than letting them off completely.