When I was growing up, we had heroes who tackled America's problems. John Wayne kicked Vietnamese butt in The Green Berets. IRS G-men audited liberals. The Hells Angels beat up peacenicks. And as Bill Bonvie of the Philadelphia Inquirer reminds us, Mr. Quaker fought the commies:
I was just beginning to learn the fundamentals of my craft on that day in 1961 at Winter Park High School in Florida when my journalism instructor assigned me to cover a noteworthy appearance...
It was none other than "Mr. Quaker" - the real-life, authentically garbed symbol of the Quaker Oats Co., looking exactly as if he had just stepped off of a box of Puffed Rice.
In essence, he told us that the time was rapidly approaching when the Free World would have to confront the growing menace of communism, and that it was the members of our generation who would ultimately be called on to go out and meet it head on.
Having conveyed that chilling (and somewhat prescient) message, Mr. Quaker climaxed his oratory with a dramatic recitation of Edward Everett Hale's "The Man Without a Country."
Today, we are at war again, but we face our enemies alone. We have no heroes to come to our rescue. Where is Mr. Quaker when the homosexuals flaunt their love for each other in front of us? Why hasn't the Lucky Charms leprechaun used his magic Freemason candies to rip out Howard Stern's tongue "by the roots." (wav file) Where are ya, Count Chocula?
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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.