Jesus' General

Bush/Bandar 2004

Dear Prince Bandar,

I can't say I've always been a fan of yours. Some of your songs were clearly obscene, and the symbol name thing was just plain weird.

It looks like you've turned your life around, though. You now have a last name. You hold an important position in the Administration. I assume that you've been cleansed in the blood of Jesus, otherwise Our Leader wouldn't have given you such an important job. You've come a long way from singing songs about ejaculate. I have to give you credit for that.

You know that Dick Cheney isn't in the best of shape. He has that problem with his ticker and that strange Phil-Hartman-as-Frankenstein mouth thing going on. I don't think he's going to make it to the rapture. It's time for Our Leader to find a new running mate.

Condi's out. We can't have the VP constantly mentally undressing the Leader of the Free World. We've already had nearly four years of Cheney's lustful stares. It's got to end.

Ashcroft's not a good choice either. The VP has to vote in the Senate when there's a tie, and John refuses to be in the same room as Majority Leader Frist. He's freaked out by Frist's body suit made out of cat pelts.

Colin...hee hee...poor Colin. We don't even need to go there, do we?

That leaves you. You're the obvious choice. You already have the final say on energy and foreign policy issues and you're playing an important role in the campaign. You'd make a great Vice President.

I hope you will consider it.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, Patriot