Lawless, egalitarian rebels take church

Although the Ushers of the Eucharist(left) stood guard against the vicious anarchists of the Rainbow Sash Movement, some of the most dangerous Sashists (right) forced their way into the church and disrupted worship by reverently taking communion.

It was a sad day in St Paul, yesterday, when members of the Rainbow Sash Movement partook of our Saviors flesh and blood while wearing sashes symbolizing their commitment to equality for Homosexuals.

Upon arrival, these enemies of righteous bigotry resisted efforts to bar their entry by defiantly walking though a gauntlet set up by the Lord's own warriors, a group calling itself the Ushers of the Eucharist. Inside the chapel, the Sashists arose when it was time for communion and silently formed an orderly line in defiance of God's will. They were met again at the alter by the Ushers of the Eucharist, who threw their bodies in front of the silent egalitarians in an effort to deny them communion. Unfortunately, these warrior's efforts were thwarted when the worshipful rebels stepped over their bodies and renewed their covenant with Jesus. Finally, in an overt act of rebellion against Christ's teachings, the Sashists returned to their seats.

When will this madness end?

See the St. Cloud Times for more.