The secularists kill another tradition.

Dear Rev. Breedlove,

I was sorry to hear that the wicked unbelievers at the Cedar Rapid Fire Department wouldn't allow you to participate in the centuries old Christian tradition of book burning. They just don't understand how this metaphor for the banishment of foreign ideas unifies a community or how it simplifies the good work you do in bringing conformity to your flock.

There's a certain violence, a sacred violence, that is inherent in the act of setting a pile of books on fire. It's symbolic of the old days when heresy was punished by burning the offenders in the public square. Your suggested alternative of throwing the books into a garbage can while lighting a candle doesn't have the same effect.

You need to put the violence back into the act. Perhaps you could have ask the members of The Jesus Church to stab each book before you throw it into the trash. Better yet, they could shoot each heretical volume, thus exercising their Second Amendment rights in the service of the Lord.

Please let me know how everything turns out.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

The Jesus Church on the web.

Thanks to reader Kevin for the tip.