Slow Slide

John Kerry may have Springsteen, REM, and Bonnie Raitt doing concerts for him, but Our Leader scored a major coup by convincing the greatest rock band of all time to headline a Bands for Bush tour. Yes, it's true. Foghat will soon be rocking for Bush/Cheney at a mall near you.

I'll never forget the first time I saw Foghat in concert. It was a cold wintry day in 1977 when eight of my best friends and I piled into my AMC Rambler and made the seventy mile drive to the big city to see Head East, REO Speedwagon, and Foghat at a at the Salt Palace. We played "Fool for the City" at full blast on my 8-track for the first 40 miles, Mitch's Black Sabbath tape came next, but after about 5 minutes we became scared and had to pull over to pray. From then on it was The Osmonds until we hit the Salt Lake City limits.

After running a gauntlet of frisking rent-a-cops with our Booone's Farm swollen bota bags intact, we settled down in our seats and marveled at the sheer size of the crowd. We'd never seen 12,000 people before. That was six times the population of our whole town.

Soon, the lights dimmed and the first chords of Head East's Save my Life filled the arena. We celebrated with a bota bag toast of the finest Strawberry Hill and Plum Hollow--it was jack-Mormon heaven.

REO Speedwagon took the stage next, and sucked like nobody but REO Speedwagon can suck. Heck, they couldn't even fool a bunch of fruit wine swilling Mormon boys on their first adventure in the big city. We distracted ourselves by trying out the homemade cigarettes that were being passed around--quite different from the occasional Marlboros we were accustomed to.

REO sounded much better toward the end of their set.

Then came Foghat. Driving Wheel launched us to the tops of our chairs. Take me to the River had us pumping our fists in the air. And Slow Ride put us in the mood for some rural Mormon boy chicken dancing. Heads bobbing, we hooked our thumbs behind our huge belt buckles and rhythmically rocked our elbows to and fro. A band couldn't be paid a higher complement than that.

Twenty-five years later. I saw them at one of the side stages at the Central Washington State Fair. They played in front of an audience composed of forty balding, middle aged, beer bellied guys drinking Yakima Valley cabernet from bota bags. The opening chords of Driving Wheel brought us to our feet. Take me to the River had us pumping our fists in the air. And Slow Ride put us in the mood for some Central Washington Redneck chicken dancing. Heads bobbing, we hooked our thumbs behind our huge belt buckles and rhythmically rocked our elbows to and fro. Foghat looked like they'd seen it all before.

That's the kind of good, old fashioned enthusiasm this concert will generate for Our Leader.

I hope he's also talking to the Bay City Rollers. That'd make for a great one-two punch.

G-E-O-R-G-E-B-UUUUSSSHHHH

G-E-O-R-G-E-B-UUUUSSSHHHH