Catholics can food drive

Very Reverend James M. Lyons
General Secretary/Vicar General
Diocese of Harrisburg

Dear Father Lyons,

I recently read that you are boycotting the CROP walk for the Lancaster County Council of Churches Food Bank because some of the money might be spent on condoms. While I salute your strong stand in support of family values, I wonder if you could have found another way to support the walk without compromising your principles.

You could have asked that the walkers solicit donations of food rather than money, for instance. Of course, you would need to require that none of these donations be packaged in plastic, cellophane, metal cans, or any other package which could be used as a condom. And certain slutty fruits and vegetables (i.e. cucumbers, zucchini, and the entire melon family) that so often seduce good men into committing acts of debauchery are certainly out.

That still leaves us with a lot of food that could be collected. Things like grains, potatoes, falafel, and most forms of pasta would be fine.

Please consider it.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot.

p.s. On second thought, you had better forgo falafel donations.