Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

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Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Selling Sinclair



David Smith
Duncan Smith
Mark Hyman
Sinclair Broadcasting Group Inc.

Dear Sirs,

Within hours, I expect that SBGI's stock will be affordable to any school child with a few pennies, marbles, jacks, or Pokemon cards in his or her pocket. I hope you use this opportunity to teach them valuable lessons about our economic system.

Think about it. Your company's stock could be the first ever to be bought and sold exclusively in a sand pit rather than a trading pit. From there, the possibilities for expansion are endless. I see trading in milk and pudding futures in the lunchroom and perhaps recess-time seminars on how to consolidate the cootie protection industry.

It's a win-win situation for everyone. You'll get stockholders who are unlikely to question your political moves. The kids will learn a little about the rough and tumble world of stock trading. And America will be blessed with a new generation of conservatives who are taught that corporations need working people's meager earnings more than they do.

Keep up the good work.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.