"too bad you won't be able to email me from hell"

The Frenchman, Pimpernel, who is doing one of his treacherous, nation-wide freeway blogging actions today, recently wrote Bill Keller asking him the stop trying to save him by a laying on of spam. As you may recall, Keller is the man of God who wrote the story about Harry Potter finding Jesus--I posted an excerpt from it here, yesterday.

Pimpernel, in an act surely designed to break my faith, forwarded his notes and Keller's responses to me. I share them with you, below. Pimpernel's words appear in italic, and I've put Keller's responses in block quotes.

I have to say that I'm a bit disappointed in Pastor Keller. He should rely on the Lord to help him beat up Pimpernel. Instead, he depends on his "security people."

Subject: Executive Branch Davidian

Wish you jihadis would just save it for the afterlife.

sorry my friend, I'm trying to keep you from spending your afterlife in the lake of fire..but it's your choice
You will be in my prayers, be richly blessed,
Bill Keller

thanks, I appreciate your kind words... honestly. But really, "Lake of Fire?" what sort of God would send someone like me to such a place? Never did quite get that...

it's not God's desire...you end up in the lake of fire..quite the opposite..He desires all to come to repentance and be saved but He will not force anyone to accept Christ..those who choose to reject Him will be eternally cast into the lake of fire...not by God's choice but by the choice of that person

You will be in my prayers, be richly blessed,
Bill Keller

still don't get it - who made the lake of fire, where did it come from? If God created all things, didn't he make the lake of fire, and can't he make a lake of fire extinguisher? From whence came this lake of which you speak?

it was created by God for the devil and his fallen angels..not intended for man..but sadly..man chooses to spend eternity there for rejecting Jesus..
You will be in my prayers, be richly blessed,
Bill Keller

seriously then, tell Him to get his Act Together... I'm not praying to a fallible god. And tell Him I'm demanding an immediate reprieve for the damned. All of them. Don't bother praying for me til He has his Act straightened up. thanks.

LOLL!!!..God is not fallible..You are the one who is fallible..and YOU are the one who better get your act together.,.before you die..and find out all about the lake of fire first hand..

sorry man, but if I were you I'd pray there is no God, 'cuz if there is he'd be mighty pissed at you for making him sound like such an asshole... lake of fire... gimme a break.

guess you will get to find out for yourself..and YOU are the one who better pray there is no God..sicne the lake of fire will be your eternal home..enjoy..
You will be in my prayers, be richly blessed,
Bill Keller

God told me to check out the spyware in your computer... somebody's been a very naughty boy...

blah..blah..blah..with all of the firewalls and protection on our system..you nor the CIA couldn't check out jack..LOL!!!..send me an email form the Lake of Fire however..and let me know who you like the temperature..:)..
You will be in my prayers, be richly blessed,
Bill Keller

I know, it's just that you religious types always seem to find loopholes in your faith for childrape... oh yeah, and the Lake of Fire Very SCARY! Ooooh! Ow! All this Fire Sure HURTS! And burning FOREVER! So Scary... have fun continuing to prey on the weak - it's what you're best at. And do enjoy the pony rides with Jesus and Grandma up in Heaven. The only difference between you and David Koresh is the Camaro.

the weak are those too foolish to follow God...doing so to their eternal peril

You will be in my prayers, be richly blessed,
Bill Keller

then why do all you god followers keep raping children?

you are a nutjob..
You will be in my prayers, be richly blessed,
Bill Keller

oh, sorry, I just recall some news stories about a BUNCH of you holier than thou sorts raping children... and then there's the swaggarts, bakkers, etc. really - your lord may be infallible, but man he has lousy p.r.... even you're starting to lose patience after a mere half-dozen e-mails. So keep praying for your Lord to give you strength, one to deal with people like me, of which there are about 5.3 billion and two to keep your pants on when you're around playgrounds and/or prostitutes.

LOL..idiots like you are how I take a break from dealing with serious problems..hate to break this to you genius..but the prisons are FULL of child molesters..and for every one minister..there are 100,000 heathen like you who live their lives void of God..and are simply destroying others lives..while they wait for their eternal ride into the lake of Fire..and if I lost patience with you..I would simply have my techs block you form my servers..hang in there junior..at the rate you re going..you won't have to live much longer..too bad you won't be able to email me from hell..
You will be in my prayers, be richly blessed,
Bill Keller

I think you're just Scared of the Lake of Fire. Aren't you? You're acting not out of love or devotion, but out of fear - pure and simple. Otherwise, you wouldn't even have to bring up the lake of fire.

I am a Man. Something you quivering jellyfish living in the shadow of the vengeance of age old fairytales, (if you've got the honesty to even believe them, which I doubt you have...) would know nothing about. I'll go gladly into the Lake of Fire My Friend, because I have the strength and the guts to face it, if it means sacrificing my personal integrity as a Man for your spinelessness and obsequiousness to the Creator, I'll gladly burn for an eternity with the knowledge that I stood up for what I believed in, not what someone told me to believe in or threatened me with. Because that's what Jesus did. He stood up for what he believed in and he stood up against the people like you - the obsequious ones, the fawning and the fearful. You, my friend, are a chancre upon the great rod of human dignity, and deserve to wallow in the shame and self-abasement you attribute to our species in the eyes of your so-called God.

My Lord is the Lord Jesus: A Man who knew not that he was the Son of God but who nevertheless stood up for what he believed in and went on to pay the price therefore. Your Lord is a Sham: a Lord that requires no Sacrifice apart from the humiliation and self-abasement you seem to consider as reverance. Take it from Someone Who Knows: Were it left to people like you, Christianity would have died on the Cross. Fortunately, there's still people like me, in whom the true spirit of Jesus lives on... those who stand up for and fight for what they believe on This Earth for their Fellow Man. Not the simpering posers like yourself, crawling and pandering for a better seat in the afterlife. Read your Bible and then do us all a favor and get off your knees, charleton.

Ignore this at your peril.

blah..blah..blah..ROTLOL!!..talk about owning someone..LOL!!...I couldn't get thru the first line of your BS without laughing so loud..thanks for entertaining me!!!..LOL!!!...have no clue what the rest said..I wouldn't waste my time reading your nonsense..but I see fear..and a crying soul..and a coward ...a gutless pussy..hey boy..grow a pair and come stop by my office..I'll cast those demons out of you....guys like you are so big hiding behind a keyboard..face to face..you are like a scared little schoolgirl..LOL!!!..I deal with cowards like you every day..but hey..you keep typing these books out of your fear..like I said..if you ever grow a pair..come see me face to face..otherwise..I just chalk you up to another nutjob..shaking in his own puddle of urine...waiting for that moment you die..and end up burring for eternity..
You will be in my prayers, be richly blessed,
Bill Keller

don't tell me you couldn't read past the first line and then try to call ME the Coward. Keep it up, Laughing Boy. It just so happens there are respectable venues for decent folks like you and me to work out our differences, if you've got the guts. I'll have someone contact you.

[Pimpernel is referring to a website where you can arrange fistfights with other people. It is currently down for refurbishing.]

LOLL!!!.....I am so in your head..LOL!!!...you can't even think straight..cowards like you are all the same..the only difference I have with you is that you are lost and heading to hell..instead of deleting your emails like anyone else would do..I have engaged you..made you think..and you know last night as you were in bed..you were thinking about burning for eternity....I get over 20 death threats a month.my security people deal with.cowards like every day..you are a dime a dozen....your problem is not with me..it is with YOURSELF..ball is in your court buddy..you can find the Lord now while you have time..or find him as you are on the one way conveyor belt to hell..only than..it will be too late and you will only be seeing what you have missed..at least I was man enough to tell you..probably the first one in your life who has..
You will be in my prayers, be richly blessed,
Bill Keller

Actually, I wasn't thinking about burning in hell for eternity last night. I've had plenty of opportunities to hear evangelical dogma, why would yours be any different? Anyway, I think if any changes have taken place in this exchange, they'd be yours: look at the level and quality of your rhetoric now as opposed to at first, Holy Man.

Listen, I haven't even visited your site yet, which is unfair. Let me do so and get back to you brother... -scarlet

no..I deal with lost souls like you daily..why should I show you any respect..you don't even respect yourself..no..lie to yourself all you like..but you will never forget the fact the moment you die..you will be lost for eternity..I have done my job..what you choose to do is your problem..not mine..
You will be in my prayers, be richly blessed,
Bill Keller

checked out your site. You'll do fine. You'll be contacted through a third-party via e-mail with my challenge. As per the rules, all challenges must first be made privately before they are made publically. Hope you haven't gotten too out of shape since your time in prison, (which, I'll admit, gave me pause. But then I read it was for insider-trading and had to smile...) Glad to hear you had some sense raped into you... -scarlet

LOL..you watch too much TV...save your "challenge"..grow a pair and stop by my office and I'll take a few minutes of my time to cast those demons out of you..otherwise..you are simply wasting my time..
You will be in my prayers, be richly blessed,
Bill Keller

Too Late: Rules are rules... Challenges have to be made privately before being made publically: so you'll get an e-mail from the mediator. I forget exactly how it works, but I think the challenger (me) bears the cost of the contest - you don't pay a thing if you accept, or if you refuse... at least monetarily...

Trust me - you'll get a kick out of this and it'll definitely help raise your profile in your community, which could only help. (I googled your name... go ahead and google mine.) In the long run, everybody wins.

No need to continue here, unless there's something you Really feel you need to say. Gotta admit preacherman... you were one of the easiest ones yet.

LOLL..the only bad thing about TV..is you attract every nut in the world..goes with the territory..keeps my security people with a good job..:LOL....you go play your children's games my friend..I choose to live in reality..and the reality is..you are a nobody..and sadly..without Jesus ..will die a nobody..at least I know you will never go to sleep again..without thinking about waking up in the lake of fire..I did my job..
You will be in my prayers, be richly blessed,
Bill Keller

I don't own a TV, and I think we can both agree that I wouldn't be one of your more likely viewers even if I did. You came to me, preacherman, unsolicited. I baited you a little and you foolishly rose to it. The rules allow me to attribute to you only what you've stated, which, for the purposes of the challenge, has been more than enough. I think we have something like 30 days between formal acceptance and the actual contest, during which time our respective publicity teams can do their magic. For obvious reasons it's good to retain a certain level of rhetorical animosity, but I assure you, this will not only be a lot of fun, but will get you some badly needed publicity... (as I mentioned before, I googled you.) If nothing else, you'll know better next time than to use your real name when baiting the anonymous.

The people who host these things are great, by the way - very professional - everything takes place in private venues and is perfectly legal. You are, as I mentioned, allowed to back out of the challenge at any time with no cost to you, monetarily. However, once you've called someone's physical courage into question and they respond with a formal challenge, you've got to either put up or back down. Those are the rules and have been since the Dawn of Time.

Thanks for being so careless, next time you'll know better.

-scarlet