Advice for the Democrats

It seems like everywhere I turn, people are offering advice to the Democrats. The General thinks some of it is very good, like the barely-French Matt's suggestion that they support efforts to deny women in red states sovereignty over their own bodies. I think I'll chip in with my own advice as well.

Philip Klinkner tells us that it wasn't Christian conservatives who put Our Leader over the top; it was the wealthy. Using a metric called "performance" which multiplies a demographic group's share of the electorate by it's support for a candidate, Klinkner calculates that Our Leader's performance with those making over 100K a year grew by 2 points since the last election while His performance with Christian conservatives stayed the same.

Obviously, Democrats need to do more to appeal to the wealthy. That's going to be very difficult for them to do because they can't beat us Republicans when it comes to coddling corporate criminals, looting the treasury to line the pockets of the power elite, or cutting taxes for the rich.

However, if they act quickly, they can enact a law to bring back a traditional value that even the most secular mogul would embrace. I'm talking about the feudal custom of marquette, the right of a feudal lord to "give his love" to a serf's wife on her wedding night.

Like I said, they'll have to act fast. With Godly men like Tom Coburn and Jim DeMint joining their philosophical soulmates, Sam Brownback and Rick Santorum, in the Senate, laws are certain to be passed which will once again give ladies the right to be treated as chattel. Marquette cannot be far behind.

Of course we don't have feudal lords and serfs anymore, but we do have employers and employees. Thankfully, our successes in glorious war against unions and so-called workers rights has resulted in a social structure in which the differences between serfs and employees are shrinking.

I think a law allowing employers to bed their employees' wives on their wedding night would play very well in the employing classes. They'd obviously love it. The party that first embraces this idea will expand it's support in that group dramatically.

There would also be a great secondary benefit to bringing back marquette. Think of all the businesses that would be created as people scramble to become employers. It would also bring down Our Leader's unemployment numbers as more people decide to stop looking for employment.

The more I think about this, the more I hope the Democrats will reject my advice. It's a no-brainer for Republicans--it fits well into our current philosophies in regard to class and status. We should adopt it immediately.