American Family Association
Dear Dr. Wildmon,
I wasn't surprised by the claims made in your press release about the Movie Gallery video chain. I'm sure that it's true that video clerks are exposed to sexually transmitted diseases every time they straighten the shelves in the adult section. A man just can't help but to commit acts of self gratification when he sees covers like that. It's the way we're wired.
This is especially true for me when I'm in the gladiator section. I just can't resist touching myself inappropriately when I see the rows and rows of covers featuring muscular warriors locked together in mortal combat. And don't even get me started on The Passion of the Christ--there's something about punishment that makes my little soldier jump to attention.
It's not a sexual thing--I'm as straight as they come; honestly, I am. It's the strong bond warriors share with each other that does it. You're a warrior. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.
And that's the problem. Getting rid of Movie Gallery's adult section will solve the issue of non-warriors spilling their seed on the cover of To Drill a Mockingbird, but what about the rest of the store? Wouldn't it be easier to just shut the whole thing down?
Heterosexually yours,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.