Burleson (Texas) Police Department
Dear Chief Cowan,
Today, Radio France ran a story about a Burleson woman you arrested last year for selling "sex toys" at a "Passion Party." I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I didn't know such things existed until I heard the report. Curious to learn more, I did a little research. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that the therapeutic prostate stimulation device I use to rehab my little soldier is illegal in Texas.
That has me a little worried. It's always been my dream to wear chaps and visit Our Leader's cowboy ranch. Now, I'm afraid to do it. Sure, I could leave Big Brutus--that's the model name of the therapeutic device I use--home, but if I want to see my little soldier stand proud and tall again, I can't let anything interrupt his workout regimen.
Is there a way I can register Big Brutus so that I can avoid being arrested? I'd be willing to remove the batteries and keep it locked up when not in use if that's what's required.
I'm not the only person affected by this law. I understand that Bill O'Reilly owns a Super Uncut Brutus with MagicTip™ Action. Any help you could give me would make it easier for him to visit Texas as well.
Heterosexually yours,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.