Marquette College Republicans
Dear Brandon,
I can't believe Marquette wouldn't let you raise money for the Adopt a Sniper organization. I suppose we should expect that kind of anti-American, anti-Christian treachery from a Jesuit university, the Catholic Church being the Whore of Babylon and all.
I think you ought to protest their decision by having an Adopt A Torturer Day. You could invite Inquisitor General Alberto Gonzales to preside over the activities (he's one of those good kinds of Papists like Robert Novak and Tomás de Torquemada). You could begin the day by rounding up Marquette's administrators and forcing them to do that naked human pyramid thing. Have you ever done that? We do it all the time as part of our POW training--I command a Christian militia. The men love it, but you have to be careful. A couple of misplaced little soldiers and the next thing you know, a platoon of hairy, beer-bellied patriots are giving you a thorough rogering right in the middle of the parade ground. I hate it when that happens.
Anyway, I think we start off with the naked pyramids, and then perhaps some waterboarding and electrical torture. You could raise money from the administrators' families. I'm sure they'd donate whatever they could to get you to stop. It would be just like in Iraq.
Well, keep on doing the Lord's work. There ain't nothing that makes Jesus happier than the sound of lamentation.
Heterosexually yours,
Gen. JC Christian, Patriot
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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.