Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

If you like the patriotic work we're doing, please consider donating a few dollars. We could use it. (if asked for my email, use "")

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Getting tough on kindergarten criminals

Governor Jeb Bush
State of Florida

Dear Gov. Bush,

I like order. It's very important to me. That's why I voted for your brother. He understands that order is good for business, and, by gawd, he'll have it. If mass arrests of brown people don't achieve order, then maybe torture or an AC 130H Spectre gunship will do the trick.

I'm worried that you don't have the same commitment to keeping things orderly. For instance, I've noticed a slippage in the amount of force used against kindergarten criminals in your state. Where just a few month ago, you tazed kindergartners for bad behavior, you molly coddle them now.

Read the following from the Tallahassee Democrat and I think you'll see what I mean:

A 5-year-old girl was arrested, cuffed and put in back of a police cruiser after an outburst at school where she threw books and boxes, kicked a teacher in the shins, smashed a candy dish, hit an assistant principal in the stomach and drew on the walls.

The students were counting jelly beans as part of a math exercise at Fairmount Park Elementary School when the little girl began acting silly. That's when her teacher took away her jelly beans, outraging the child.

Minutes later, the 40-pound girl was in the back of a police cruiser, under arrest for battery. Her hands were bound with plastic ties, her ankles in handcuffs.

"I don't want to go to jail," she said moments after her arrest Monday.

What has happened to Florida? No tazing, no clubbing, no chokeholds, no mention at all of traditional Florida justice.

Your brother wouldn't let things slip like this. I'm sure that if he was Governor, he'd hunt that little girl down right now and taze the hell out of her. Then, he'd probably mock the way she pled for mercy to get a few laughs out of Attorney General Gonzales.

Well, there's still time to set this right. I hope that you will do so promptly.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

No comments:

Post a Comment

We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.