Traditional Jim Crow Values

Wellington Boone
Wellington Boone Ministries

Dear Bishop Boone,

I've been a fan of yours ever since I first saw you speak at a Promise Keepers rally. I'll never forget that day. The crowd collectively gasped when you got on stage. Somewhere behind me I heard someone yell, "That man's a Negro!" Things weren't looking good.

Then you spoke. You said, "I want to boldly affirm Uncle Tom," and the mumbling stopped. "The black community must stop criticizing Uncle Tom," you continued, "He is a role model." From that moment on, you had the audience eating out of your hand.

Since that day, you've delivered the same message in countless, sermons, magazine articles, and books. It's a good message. It lessens the fear many of us have for brown people. We feel comfortable around those who try to buy our acceptance by forfeiting there self respect. It makes us feel like there may be a place for us in the ownership society.

Unfortunately, some of the fear remains. We know that Uncle Tom won't beat us up, but somewhere in the back of our minds, we wonder if he might not steal the silverware. That's why I think you should modify your message by asking the black community to embrace Steppin Fetchit.

Think about it. Steppin Fetchit, or at least the characters he played, is the perfect black man for the current times. Nobody fears him because he completely marginalizes black people as economic and political threats. You'll be the most popular black man on the revival circuit. I bet Our Leader might even consider you for a seat on his Civil Rights Advisory Board.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Thanks to reader Dow for the tip.