Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

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Friday, March 18, 2005

Straight Pride World Wide

Adam Key

Dear Adam,

I take great comfort in the knowledge that manly, heterosexual, young men like yourself are out there defending our great nation against the armies of Sodom. Unlike the legions of college juniors who spend their time either studying or drinking, you devote nearly every waking moment thinking about the scourge of homosexuality. You've even made a career out of it as the Public Relations Director of

It looks like a good company with an invaluable product. The pictures say it all. Your t-shirts automatically raise a man's score on the manly scale of absolute gender a full five points. With a shirt like that, a man never has to worry that someone might think he's a homosexual. I'm ordering one for every day of the week. Then, I can flush my Xanax down the toilet.

Do you share your company president's other passion? I understand that he frequently posts to the white nationalist site, and is a follower of David Duke. That's not surprising. If you think about it, there isn't really a lot of difference between hating homosexuals and hating ethnic minorities.

Do you ever get up to the Pacific Northwest? I'd like to invite you to spend a weekend at my compound. I have a vast collection of gladiator movies. I bet you'd love Spartacus. I even have costumes we can wear. I'll be the Roman centurion and you can be my slave boy, Fellatios. It'll be fun

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

p.s. Do you like wrestling.

A helmet tip to Dan Coates.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.