Blastocysts in the woodpile

Chairman Chris Vance
Washington State Republicans

Dear Chairman Vance,

I see that the America-haters are attacking Sen. Alex Deccio again. You'd thing they'd have learned their lesson after they failed to crucify him for his "nigger in the woodpile" remark. but then I guess they just can't help themselves.

This time, they're angry with him for his defense of Blastocyst-Americans:

Sen. Alex Deccio, R-Yakima, a veteran of World War II, said that one of the most vivid memories he had was of visiting the Bergen-Belsen concentration camp after the war.

"To see those bodies stacked ... they were embryos at one point," he said. "But somebody decided those people should be done away with. That was the public policy in Germany. Genocide in Africa, those were embryos at some point. Public policy said those people should be destroyed.

"We're talking about the same thing," he said. "There's a relationship here. We've developed a culture of death in this world today."

You may recall that they attacked Rep. Glenn Anderson for the same thing a few weeks ago. It's all part of their strategy to prevent us from granting civil rights protections to Blastocyst-Americans. They want to keep our smallest citizens in a ghetto of unpersonhood as if they were merely homosexuals. We need to do something about that.

We'll need the public on our side. The best way to accomplish that is to wrap the Blastocyst-Americans in the flag. I'm speaking metaphorically here. We can't literally wrap them in the flag because it would be messy (it would cause a moral crisis--should we burn the soiled flag and thereby incinerate the innocent Blastocyst-Americans still clinging to it or should we save them and desecrate the flag). Anyway, appeals to patriotism are nearly always successful. Just look at how we used 9/11 to get the Patriot Act, torture, and the denial of habeas corpus. We can do the same for blastocyst rights.

I understand that you've been working very closely with Karl Rove to bring about a gubernatorial coup d'etat. You could use your influence to convince him to command the military to draft Blastocyst-Americans. Like the Schiavo issue, it would provide us with a tremendous political opportunity. We all claim to support our fighting men. Our French-minded internal enemies could no longer oppose blastocyst rights because doing so would be seen as an attack on our soldiers.

There are also other benefits to having a Blastocyst-American draft. It would solve our recruitment and attrition problems--it's hard shoot a blastocyst--and we could save a lot of money on food and equipment. They don't need body armor, but I guess that's not really a savings since we don't provide it anyway. The only real cost would be in supplying them with tiny assault rifles, but they have to be cheaper than a full-sized weapon.

Good luck. I'm sure you'll have no problem selling this idea to Mr. Rove. Please don't hesitate to drop me a note if you need my help.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Note: I found out about Deccio's remarks via reader Carl's fine blog.