The coming fetal invasion

Jim Gilchrist
The Minuteman Project

Dear Mr. Gilchrist,

I've always been a big fan of Miss Poppy Dixon and was thrilled when she chose to advertise her products on my site. We're on the same wavelength. Nothing illustrates that better than her latest ad hawking armed fetus-American ornaments.

To me, a long-time proponent of arming fetuses, the ad serves as evidence that my ideas are finally sinking into the public's consciousness. Soon, I expect I'll be seeing "An armed fetus is a safe fetus" bumperstickers and hearing Tom DeLay and Bill Frist defending fetus-Americans who've shot their hosts' gynecologists.

Unfortunately, a click on the ad showed me that Miss Poppy has corrupted my dream, and by doing so, has endangered our nation's security. You see, she's created a brown fetus version of the ornament.

I don't know about you, but the very thought of millions of armed brown fetuses breaching our borders through unguarded wombs across the country scares the living hell out of me. It makes me want to curl up in a ball and whimper like a little girl.

We need to do something about it. That's why I'm asking you to provide Minutemen to stand guard over every womb in America. It's the only way we can stop the infiltration of the brown fetus army these ornaments will generate.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot