Equal Time

That French bastard at Crooks and Liars demanded equal time, and since my Inner Frenchman is swamped with work and union stuff, still suffering from the dreaded gombu virus, and a big fan of C&L, I gave it to him:

Here's what he has to say:

Ray Lines
OWNER, CLEANFLICKS

Dear Mr. Lines,

I have recently seen you on Joe Scarborough's talk show and was very impressed. It's about time a patriotic man of God struck back at Hollywood by editing out all the profanity, graphic violence, nudity, sexual content and deity references from their sick, disgusting movies and television programs.

It doesn't matter that you are illegally infringing on copyrighted material. You provide a public service by cleansing this filth. It's not unlike how Our Lord and Saviors cleansed the temple of the filthy money lenders.

That said, I would like to see if I could hire you for a much more important job. Could you use your infinite talents to sanitize the inane, offensive, bigoted, and outrageous lies that comes out of the mouths of Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, Michael Savage, James Dobson, Pat Robertson Jerry Falwell, Bill Frist, and of course Tom Dely?

Their corrosive language is surely helping to destroy our nations youth as
it exposes them to an unmitigated diarrhea of the mouth that will have our
kids playing name games called "Kill that Judge and "Who's the baby killer?

This great nation is in need for the truth and honesty as we debate the important issues that are now confronting us and your talents are required
to stem the tide. I found that my Fox blocker just doesn't do a good enough job and is limited to just one network.

If our children are left "unfiltered" so to speak, they will believe that all liberals are traitorous, Un- American, God-hating, bestiality practicing miscreants that eat the brains of unborn fetuses and we all know that's not true. Now if you have trouble editing hot lesbian sex shows like the L Word. I'm sure that would be ok for the time being.

Anyway, I await with a longing deep inside my loins to hear back from you.

Heterosexually yours,

Crooks and Liars