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Friday, May 20, 2005

Crooks and Liars and the Goldberg Variations

The patriot from Crooks and Liars has penned another letter for the General's troops:

Jonah Goldberg
NRO Editor at Large

Dear Jonah, Your Law and Order article really hit home with me. The nasty liberal media is once again portraying the kind and benevolent Christian Right as crazed mercenaries out for the blood of innocent heathens as they defend the most vile killers simply because they now have been saved by the Lord. I was upset myself when a similar episode on Law and Order: Trial by Jury anointed that all judges are making decisions not by the rule of law, but because they are filthy, damn activist vermin. Similarly on the FOX series 24, Jack Bauer is able to coax valuable Intel from suspected terrorists by turning ordinary lamp chords into fabricated electric chairs which proved infallibly to the masses just how admirable and decent torture really can be?

That said I still think you're missing the point. Its not you or I who should fear the Christian Right, but the many deranged serial killers we have locked away in our dungeons. Did you know that David Berkowitz, the 44 caliber killer) was coerced into doing a series of interviews withJames Dobson's crew so he would profess his undying love for our lord? He gave witness to the stunning effect his Bible had on the populace that inhabits the slammer which restrains him while he spreads the Word.

What is a serial killer to do? Who is looking out for them? I say we should band together and save these mass murderers from the likes of these zealots. If we help these poor souls, I think you'll have an even greater chance of evading a tenure in the Army that you so strongly support with those fine, frothy columns you write. The Serial Killers Union will definetly back your exclusion to the hilt and are a very powerful society indeed. They have donated millions of dollars to the American Conservative Union's support of Tom Delay already. Their voice is a powerful one indeed. Please join me in this most noble quest.

Metrosexually yours,

Crooks and Liars

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