Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

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Wednesday, June 08, 2005

In my experience, nothing beats a rattlesnake when it comes to birth control

Lawrence R. Johnston
CEO, Albertsons

Dear Mr. Johnston,

I've wanted to be a pharmacist all of my life. My love for the white lab coat, the mortar and pestle, and the neat pens the drug companies hand out like candy eventually led me to obtain a degree in pharmacy, but unfortunately, I haven't been able to turn it into a career.

You see, I'm a very traditional Christian. I believe that people are healed through faith, not science. Because of this, my conscience does not allow me to fill prescriptions. It's made it very difficult for me to keep a pharmacy job.

I had given up all hope of having a career in pharmacy, but now, thanks to you, I feel like I've been reborn. Your decision to allow pharmacist to refuse to prescribe drugs provides me with an opportunity to follow my dream once again.

Do you have any current openings? I'm willing to use my own healing serpents at no extra cost. You can't beat a deal like that.

I'm looking forward to hearing back from you.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.