The rationale behind OPERATION YELLOW ELEPHANT

I suppose that a number of you are wondering if I've been co-opted by the French. After all, one could reasonably assume that OPERATION YELLOW ELEPHANT is designed to embarrass College Republicans. Nothing could be further from the truth. I'm actually trying to help them.

I learned in the last presidential election the importance of turning a weakness into a strength. I think we were all amazed to see a man who had gone AWOL from an undeployable National Guard unit defeat a decorated war hero because he was perceived to have more credibility as a military commander. We can do the same for the College Republicans.

Their greatest weakness is their almost pathological reluctance to fight in the war they demanded. It makes them look cowardly and hypocritical. That's especially true now that our military is suffering a manpower crisis. It'll take bold action on their part to change that perception. That's a tall order. Boldness is an alien trait to Hawks who are too timid to fight. We'll need to provoke them into defending their honor.

College Republicans have a lot to be proud about. Their courageous affirmative action bake sales and immigrant hunts are important elements of the internal phase of our Glorious War to Resubjugate Brown People. Just as important is the role they play in subsidizing our greatest conservative thinkers. People like Ann Coulter, David Horowitz, and Michelle Malkin would never get a speaking gig if College Republicans weren't demanding that universities book them. By doing so, the College Republicans free up Scaife money for more important character assassination operations like the Arkansas Project and the Swiftboat Vets.

By attacking them for their war hypocrisy, we are prodding them to stand up and defend themselves. Our assault will provide them with a need to speak publicly about their acts of bravery on the home front, and before long, they'll be seen as the real heroes in this war.