The patriotic press is buzzing with excitement about former LA Police Detective Mark Furhman's new book, Silent Witness: The Untold Story of Terri Schiavo's Death. Early reports indicate that it'll be even more popular than such Heartland favorites as Legacy: Paying the Price for the Clinton Years, Hell to Pay: The Unfolding Story of Hillary Rodham Clinton, Madame Hillary: The Dark Road to the White House, and Final Days: A Behind the Scenes Look at the Last, Desperate Abuses of Power by the Clinton White House. I won't argue with that. It'll certainly be a great read if this list of the book's top ten revelations is accurate.10. Schiavo lost the will to live when Howard Dean described her as being a white woman.
9. Tom Delay offered to give Terri half of his brain but was told that he couldn't because greedy brown people had already offered theirs.
8. Michael Moore, Jeanine Garofalo, Tim Robbins, and Susan Sarandon pitched in to pay a hit man to murder Schiavo when they learned that she could pinpoint the location of Saddam's WsMD.
7. Michael Schiavo was nowhere near Cambodia on Christmas Eve in 1968.
6. Hillary Klinton beat Vince Foster to death with Terri's comatose body.
5. Jimmy Carter ordered Schiavo to be silenced because she knew about Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez' plan to destroy Galveston Texas with his fleet of Vorgon battle cruisers.
4. Zell Miller's bite was meant to heal not to kill.
3. How phone calls originating from a Fox News studio fueled Schiavo's secret love for Bill O'Reilly.
2. Jeff Gannon performed a medical examination on Schiavo and determined that she could be saved if the ANWR was opened up for oil exploration.
1. Detective Fuhrman reveals that Schiavo was murdered "by her husband, who is secretly a brown person!"
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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.