Wal-Mart's business is America's business

I think Col. Crooks and Liars might have something here:

James D. Miller
Smith College
TCS

Dear Mr. Miller,

I always thought of Wal-Mart as a "whorifying" sweat shop that sucks the life out of a town ala Salem's Lot, leaving every small business closed and their employees starving. Your logic about unskilled labor though really caught my eye. I thought there simply weren't any jobs left since most of them have gone overseas leaving a whole class of people not really unskilled, just de-jobbed. But when you said in your latest article:

Worst of all, forcing Wal-Mart to pay higher wages might French-ify retail America. American shoppers are accustomed to having others bag their groceries. Do we really want to force Wal-Mart to pay higher wages, thereby causing them to make their customers bag their own groceries?

That really got my goat. I can't stand bagging my own groceries. I think I have figured out a way to save Wal-Mart, and keep cheap, unskilled labor available.

We need to turn to our good friend the Capuchin Monkey. Or as I like to call them "animal helpers" The Capuchin Monkey is a devoted helpmate who knows the difference between paper and plastic. They eat mostly nuts, are smart and cost very little if we compare them to the average worker at Wal-Mart. Plus with just a few vaccine shots there will be no more health care, or in Wal-Marts case Medicare applications.

I'm sure you will agree that by hiring these cute little monkey's to become baggers, Wal-Mart can afford to pay their employees more w/o raising the low-low-low prices and still rake in millions. The shoppers will have a much more pleasant experience and Medicare will be solvent for a little while longer. Case solved.

Metrosexually yours,

Crooks and Liars