Call to duty

Gen. Abizaid needs my help spreading the good news about Iraq:

Hello JC,

I am a Public Affairs Officer writing from US Central Command. I would like to inquire about the possibility of you posting a link to our web site. I see that you are covering a lot of different types of stories in a lot of countries. I would like to get some of the stories out that are happening in Iraq, Afghanistan, and the Horn of Africa. This is the area of responsibility for CENTCOM. Due to the nature of your blog, and the wide variety of information you cover, your blog is ideal for news stories. I have attached a couple of postings* that have been used by other Bloggers,
please let me know.

Thanks for your time.

Here's some graphics to assist.*

Central Command Website: US Central Command

Brian M. Anderson

1LT Brian M. Anderson MS, USAR
CENTCOM Public Affairs Officer

1LT Brian M. Anderson, USAR
CENTCOM Public Affairs Officer

cc: Pat Robertson

Dear Lt. Anderson,

I am honored that you've asked me to serve as a domestic information warrior in the War to Lay the Groundwork for A Democratic Iraq. I've reviewed your website and was pleasantly surprised to see just how well things are going. I mean, my gosh, it's amazing. There isn't a single piece of bad news posted there. It's like a preview of what our media will look like once we finally rid ourselves of the extremist element within our borders.

Now that we've created this Iraqi utopia, I think it's time that we moved onto doing something about Venezuela. As Pat Robertson recently pointed out, Venezuela's democratically elected president, Hugo Chavez, has allowed the country to become a hotbed for Muslim communists. Now, we could just follow Reverend Robertson's suggestion and assassinate the bastard in the name of free market capitalism, but that wouldn't stop the local Mus-Coms from taking possession of the Venezuelan nuclear weapons related program activities or its fleet of Vogon battle cruisers.

Unfortunately, our military won't be in a position to invade Venezuela for at least another twenty years. You're too busy building Iraqi schools, fixing Iraqi water supplies, and flying Iraqi children to hospitals. We'll need a miracle if we're going to defeat Chavez and his Mus-Com minions. That's where you come in.

We need twenty or so good men to volunteer for duty as secret homosexuals. Of course they don't really need to be homosexuals, they only have to engage in the things homosexuals do (things like recruiting young people into the homosexual lifestyle, holding Pride Week events, and having sex with other men). We'll get Jeff Gannon to do any training that's required; he's a heterosexual journalist who's been engaged in homosexual behavior for years.

Once our platoon of secret homosexuals has finished their training, we'll send them to Caracas with orders to organize what I like to call "Homofest 2006, The Largest Pride Week Celebration The World Has Ever Seen." Then, all we need to do is have Rev. Robertson ask God to destroy Venezuela with a hurricane and an earthquake or two.

To pull this off, I need a meeting with Gen. Abizaid. I need him to supply the men and money for training, safehouses in Caracas, and Astroglide. Could you arrange that for me?

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

*Note: Lt Anderson forgot to add the attachments to his email, so I didn't get to see his graphics or read his sample posts.