Let us pray for effective prayers

Frank Williams
PrayfortheUSA.com

Dear Mr. Williams,

It seems like every time I fire up the old computer, I'm bombarded by emails about cheap Viagra, Russians who want to do things with my little soldier , and requests to pray for someone or something. Although I try to avoid responding to the first two, I spend many hours every day fulfilling the prayer requests.

I can't count the number of times I've responded to Pat Robertson's pleas by asking our Lord to smite various activist judges and foreign leaders, and I've answered The Presidential Prayer Team's call to bless the Our Leader so many times that my knees are now thick with calluses--people are beginning to mistake me for the White House harlot Jeff Gannon.

Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to be working. The activist judges and foreign leaders continue to walk around committing acts of activism and foreignness without suffering even a minor scratch. And let's not even talk about Our Leader's lack of blessings.

I've tried everything I can think of to make the prayers more effective. I've fasted; I've whipped myself with everything from a belt to a strand of barbed wire; and I've followed your instructions and prayed "that God would use Pray4theUSA.com to motivate people throughout America to sincerely pray for our nation," in the belief that sheer numbers might get God off the dime. None of it has worked.

I'm wondering if perhaps there might be too much praying going on. Perhaps the Lord is overwhelmed by it all and is suffering some kind of information-overload-induced paralysis, or worse yet, answering prayers so fast, he's getting them wrong--that would explain Rehnquist and Our Leader's domestic and foreign policies.

Maybe we should consider combining all the prayers together so that we no longer overwhelm Him. I think it would look something like this:

Heavenly Father, please use Pray4theUSA.com to motivate people throughout America to rise up in an angry mob and smite activist judges and foreign leaders and beat the shit out of whoever is advising Our Leader.

Yeah, that would cover just about everything, What do you think?

Heterosexually yours,

Gen, JC Christian, patriot