Meet your local FEMA Director

The federal government's response to the Hurricane Katrina disaster stands as a testament to Our Leader's ability to pick the right people for the vitally important job of blaming Democrats for the Administration's failures.

Certainly, Homeland Security Secretary Chertoff and FEMA Director Mike Brown proved that they're up to that most important of tasks, but what about their deputies who head FEMA's regional offices? Do they have the political communication skills they'll need in time of crisis. Or are they simply Clinton Era holdovers, appointed by the enemy to use their emergency management expertise to thwart Our Leader's budget priorities?

Fortunately, the former seems to be the case. As you will learn from the short bios I've posted below, most of FEMA's regional directors are political creatures whose decisions will never be corrupted by emergency management concerns.

John Pennington
FEMA Region X (AK, ID, OR and WA)

Appointed by Our Leader in 2001, Pennington holds a degree in business from Diploma Mill University and gained his emergency management experience by allegedly beating his wife and by passing bills for the Building Industry Association of Washington in the state legislature.

David I. Maurstad
FEMA Region VII (CO, MT, ND, SD, UT and WY)

Maurstad learned everything he knows about emergency management from serving as a state legislator, a school board director, a mayor, and as Nebraska's Lt. Governor. His greatest accomplishment as Lt. Gov was the creation of "a program to recognize young people from across Nebraska for their achievements and personal courage'

Karen E. Armes
FEMA Region IX (AZ, CA, HI, NV,and the brown people islands)

Although I don't like to see women working outside of the home, Miss Armes' degree in recreation administration and accounting experience give me confidence that Our Leader made a wise choice.

Gary Jones
Region VI (AR, LA, NM, OK and TX)

Jones' response to Hurricane Katrina speaks for itself.

Vacant since 10/04
Region IV (AL, FL, GA, KY, MS, NC, SC and TN)

Why waste money on regional directors for hurricane-prone states when Pat Robertson can blame their disasters on homosexuals?

Vacant since 2/05
Region IV (IL, IN, MI, MN, OH and WI)

The money for the the Iraq Phase of the Eternal Struggle to Resubjugate Brown People has to come from somewhere.