She'll get you, Rep. Murtha, you little pretty

Rep. Jean Schmidt
US House of Representatives

Dear Representative Schmidt,

It's about time someone called Rep. Murtha to account for the cowardice he's shown during America's darkest times. When Sen. McCarthy needed him to fight the war of ideas by exposing the communist professors on our campuses, Murtha left his college and slunk off to hide out with the Marines. When Strom Thurmond needed him to beat up the uppity brown people holding sit-ins at our finest drug store lunch counters, Murtha wormed his way over to Vietnam. And while you were voting to cut the taxes of our best Americans and take away food stamps and health benefits from the un-moneyed rabble who don't deserve America's bounty, he was calling for us to abandon the fledgling Islamic theocracy we're building in Iraq.

Unfortunately, calling him a coward was not enough. It gained us nothing but America's hatred. You should have done more. You should have sent your flying monkeys to knock him down, take the stuffing out of him, and light it on fire.

It's not too late. You can still do it. Unleash your flying monkeys now. Otherwise, he'll be coming for you with a bucket of water.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot