Lou Dobbs would be proud

John Sosbe
Columnist, The Georgetonian

Dear Mr. Sosbe,

Your article about illegal immigration was one of the best pieces I've read in a long time. The comparison you drew between the European-American invasion of Native-American lands and the threat posed to our nation by undocumented brown people was absolutely brilliant. Unless we act immediately, we will face extermination.

Thankfully, you offer a solution, land mines at the border. Some might call that inhumane, but by God, nothing's more humane than blowing up people who are so desperate they'll risk bandits and death in the desert to make a better life for their families. Blowing them up spares them from the indignity of working at slave-wages to grow our food, build our houses, and make our clothes. Of course you already know that, Georgetown College being a baptist school and all.

But is protecting the borders enough? There are already many brown people in this country whose very presence makes us uncomfortable, nervous, and afraid. Take Wal-Mart for instance. Just this week, a brown man violated their management's sense of order by trying to purchase holiday Christmas gift cards for his company's employees. Sure they had him arrested, but the police, undoubtedly worried about the ACLU, let him go, saying that it's not unlawful for brown people to buy things.

Of course, land mines wouldn't be appropriate in this case. Good, God-fearing Christian white people might get blown up as they attempt to buy singing bass and Tobey Keith CDs. Wal-Mart needs to do something different. Perhaps their management could wear their Klan robes at work in addition to wearing them while recreating.

What do you think? Will that be enough?

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Update: I forgot to tip my helmet to occassional guestblogger Darryl of Hominid Views.