Mrs. Malkin's Fantasy Camp

Carlos M. Gutierrez
Secretary of Commerce

Dear Sec. Gutierrez,

Although, like Our Leader, I'm a big fan of outsourcing jobs to foreigners, I believe that there are some things that can be done more efficiently here at home. One of those things is interrogation by boiling. Don't get me wrong. President Karimov's doing a bang up job boiling people for us (graphic photos); I just think we can do it more cleaply.

It can't be cheap to fly our kidnapped prisoners to Uzbekistan on chartered flights, and although Uzbek people-boilers are likely paid Wal-Mart janitorial level wages, it's still more than we need to pay. I don't think we'd have to compensate American people-boilers at all. In fact, many of my fellow patriots would pay for an opportunity to cook a few brown people.

I'm thinking along the lines of a people-boiling fantasy camp. We charge a few thousand dollars for a camper to work at the boiling center for a week. For an extra fee, we could give them an actual bronzed foot to take home as a souvenir.

I bet Michelle Malkin would pay for the opportunity to run it--she's a big fan of concentration camps. That would cut the overhead even more.

I'll need a little start-up money for Pajama Media ads to reach our target audience. Maybe you could help me get one of those Hurricane Katrina small business loans.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot